My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
