a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
