people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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