Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
