Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
