he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
