Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think people are normalizing furries
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
