No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
