If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
vagina is talking i cant
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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