We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
