he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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