I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
