Whod you bang
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
