i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
a search helicopter?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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