Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
