I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
