I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
