summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Still dying that you shit outside
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
