I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
