u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
