Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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