just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
