nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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