Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
