your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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