if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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