Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
