Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
