I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
