hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
