i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
