I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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