Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
