he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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