walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
