What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
there is puke in my bra ... again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
