It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
