The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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