CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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