Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
