You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
