I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
