Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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