She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
