Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
