Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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