My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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