i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
