Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
