i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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