I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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