Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
