i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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