Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
